you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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