We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
