I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Found the puke drawer
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
