I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Life is so much better after having sex.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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