12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
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FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
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My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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