I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
