I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
