If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
