spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
