You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
