he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
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