I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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