he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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