my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
