Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
