True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
