So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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