I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
