after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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