I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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