Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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