Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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