I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
