I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
