So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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