Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
sex in a hospital.. check
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
