He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
