i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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