I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
