I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
