I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
