We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
