Soap is not a condiment
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
