Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
