Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize