I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
