God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
