chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
