I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
