I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
why do cheetos always look like penises
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
