Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
