well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize