sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
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I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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