I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover