1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
