I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
