If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
