Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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