Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
