One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
