my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
