I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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