the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
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Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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