We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think I died a long time ago.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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