you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
