Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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