she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
