Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
