and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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