Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
only you would photoshop your dick
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
