Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
