It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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