If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
