AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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