Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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