He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
