Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I met the friendliest cop last night
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
