I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
