I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
