My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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