dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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