Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
