If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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