Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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