Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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