Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
