I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
