I feel great
I just peed on a car
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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