hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
How naked do you want me to be?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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