That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
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