The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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