I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
