My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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