just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
