u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
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billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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