I hate all girls vehemently.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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