This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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