What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
