Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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