there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
